Salvation for the Homeless

I'm looking outside right now and the dreary, cold, raw air is not the only thing that chills my bones. It is not the fact that the sun barely shines it's heat this time of year, but merely the fact that millions of people live in poverty; sometimes so much so that clothes don't even cover their backs and that food does not reside in their stomachs. It is merely the thought of imagining a child and, even an adult struggling to bring comfort and joy into their homes and their life. The thought of asking for more and more troubles me, most of the time, because I have all I need and I want to give to those who don't. I grew up fortunate basking in the great luxuries that only a humble girl can understand.

I had a family, I built a family. I have food, now I give food. I was given money, now I save money.

Homelessness is not a fate I would wish on anybody, not even my worst enemy. It is a fate that is cruel, despicable, and revolting to my mind. I have seen homelessness at its worst and whenever I see a beggar on the streets I feel compelled to give even just a penny, a bottle of water, or to drive this individual to a restaurant so they can have a decent meal. My 11th grade history teacher taught me that. Always give what you can, do what you can to bring light to another.

Now, that sounds like I am preaching to the choir because most people say they are going to reach out when in reality they don't. In reality I counteract this because I have. I have been giving my old clothes to the Salvation Army for years and I donate my old toys and winter clothing to children. When I was in Newark, New Jersey in 2015 (one of the most dangerous and impoverished cities in the United States at the time) I saw homelessness as I never had before. On the trip we were split into two groups and my group interacted one-on-one with children. Unfortunately, some of the children we interacted with came from broken homes and some were actually homeless. My heart broke for them so I made sure that each child I interacted with was hugged, loved, and smiled.

During the same trip, we were allowed to visit New York City for one day and that changed my perspective of the homeless for eternity. As soon as my group got off the subway at the New York Station and we passed through the gates at the terminal, I saw it. I looked over to my right and there was an African American woman sleeping in what seemed like a multitude of ripped blankets surrounded by what looked like a cardboard fence. She had one backpack and her clothes were hung by a self-made laundry line. I was appalled that anybody could walk by and not help her. The scary thing was she looked my age, maybe even younger. I said to my group "I've never seen something like this before.....I've seen such things in movies but I never thought I would see the horror". I never thought I would see someone sleeping in a subway terminal and, worse, seeing numerous and, I mean numerous people walk by and not feel compelled to help or even showed a speck of compassion.

After we left the terminal we started to walk out on the streets of New York City. The surrounding atmosphere did little to excite me because that woman we passed was branded in my mind. Throughout our walk I saw beggars. I saw self-made tents of tarp and trash bags. I saw big flashy stores and expensive boutiques that my group wanted to explore and get the opportunity to rave on the latest fashions, but I wanted to spend the time helping those individuals I saw. I felt the need to find the nearest laptop and research the homelessness rates and the percentages of poverty within these cities I was visiting. I felt compelled to give all the change in my pocket to the nearest pair of stricken, starving eyes and buy him/ or her a soda or a cookie. Items that are common to us and luxuries to them. It affected me so much that it was impossible to sleep that night, though when I woke up the next day I made it seem like I was well-rested.

How can you sleep knowing that out there another human being is shivering in the cold? How can you sleep knowing that a child is digging in a dumpster somewhere looking for his/ or her dinner? How can you sleep knowing individuals are at risk for freezing to death every winter because they don't have the proper clothes or insulation to keep their bodies warm?

How can you sleep?

After that trip I made it one of my goals, one of my life passions to do all I could to help the needy and the homeless. I felt so guilty of asking for things when really I had ever thing I needed. I do splurge sometimes on myself getting a new shirt or a new piece of furniture, but it sure's heck doesn't come without a wave of guilt because like I said that women in the terminal is still branded in my mind. I don't know if she is dead or alive and I hope that she will be led to a better life and if I see her again before I die, I hope myself can bring her to a better sight than a terminal view.

Diary Entry of a Working Mother

"Another day another dollar. Another day another poopy diaper. Another day I scream and mutter. Another day I beg for help....for this working mother. I clean and wash. I type and write. I sleep 4 hours. I think and fight. I work steady shifts. I'm paid by the hour. I've got no quarrel. I just need a shower. I live by my planner. I live for my child. I've buried my priorities. They've been there awhile. I pray for blessings. I give all I have. I save every penny made. To her on my behalf. Her presence is my joy. His presence is my soul. The future is my promise. To make it true and make it bold. So from these words you see I'm a working mother indeed. I know sacrifice. I know faith. I know love. I know fate. But here you will know what I have become through the blood, sweat, and tears that I've run."- Heather Searfoss, 12/29/2016


A working mother is someone who I idolized all my life. The person who I knew I wanted to grow up to become. As a child I witnessed what hard work was and how it would be a part of my future.

I don't remember asking my parents why they worked so late and I don't remember asking them why they looked so tired. I think I always knew. I do remember asking them though why do you do the jobs you do? Why are you a police officer? I'd ask my dad or why are you a nurse? I'd ask my mom and the simple answer I got was  "because I want to help people, it's a job that I love, and it's provides for you and Kyle." Well, that settled anymore questions about their jobs really. It also got me thinking about what I wanted to become growing up. I envisioned a nurse like my mom or a storm chaser like on the weather channel......two professions I obviously didn't become.

When I got to high school I began to think of becoming a doctor, like the one who performed my spinal fusion in 2008, or to become a chef because I loved to cook, or to become a lawyer, a job that is scholarly, well-paid, and a safer complimentary alternative to my dad's law enforcement career. All seemed to be good options but then I was thrown the curveball that maybe I shouldn't attend college......maybe it was just a waste of time or maybe it may not get me to where I want to be. Well, my dreams and goals talked louder than that option so I blew it off and submitted my application to Penn State University, where I attended for 4.5 years and graduated with a Bachelor's Degree in Humanities majoring in Communications/PR. It was the most grueling, longest, toughest, most amazing, most valued, most memorable, most tearful, most aggravating 4.5 years of my life. Now that doesn't seem like fun but let me explain to you the facts of why it was like this. I took full class loads every semester even during one summer semester (which is 4+ classes, 12 credits+), I worked between 1-3 jobs throughout school saving up as much as I could and experiencing the joys of being young, I made and met so many amazing friends and people I can't count them all, and I was introduced to some of the most incredible, scholarly, innovative, and experienced professors I have ever met. 3 of my favorites in particular were Catherine McCormick (Photography, Writing for the Media, Media Management), Amy Sauertieg (Public Relations, Event Planning, and PR Strategies), and Richard Pierce (Psychology 101, Adolescent Psychology). I was also involved with fundraising events on campus such as Santa for Soldiers, Toys for Tots, and Alternative Spring Break, which were life-changing experiences because you truly realize how lucky you are. I also worked behind the scenes to apply for internships/ externships, write new poems/ short stories, publish my poetry and written works with local publishers, and start to plan out the publishing of my work in progress: In the Gladiator's Eye. Sound intimidating enough?

Well, this is all before and during my adventure of becoming a mother. It sounds so ridiculous but I did all of that with fate, criticism, and doubt going against me. I cracked under pressure a few times but let me tell you all the hellfire I faced was well worth it. I balanced jobs back and forth. I applied anywhere and everywhere I could. I admit I made quite a few mistakes, some I do regret but then again how did I end up where I am now? Through the turmoil I came out on top stronger than I was before, more confident, brighter, and curveball ready. Now you are probably asking yourself where does being a mother fit into this? Well, read what I wrote and imagine being pregnant with a baby, delivering that miracle, and having to face all of that tumultuous stuff. Does that answer your question? Simply it wasn't easy. At points it was fun and other points were like wishing you were 6 feet under ground at that exact moment. But, I promise you I am alive and well. But now I guess you are wondering where am I now?

Well, I am a recent graduate of Penn State University. May 8th, 2016 to be exact. (My daughter was born February 2016.) I am an employee of a government IT distributor and I am a social media wizard. I have my own blog : http://soccerxlspsu.blogspot.com/ and I have a professional Facebook page where I list and post my latest writings, articles, and poems. I am on the volunteer committee for the non-profit organization, The Peyton Walker Foundation, which brings awareness to sudden cardiac arrest and plans out the organizations fundraisers, heart screenings, and events for the upcoming year. I am about to be published in my 4th Best Poets of the Year (2011, 2012, 2013, and 2016) by Eber & Wein Publishing and I am currently working on 3 books that are works in progress that I plan to have published soon. I am a mother of a beautiful 10 month old baby girl and in my spare, rare time I run, I take photos, I read history books, I watch documentaries, and I listen to rock music. So you can definitely not say that I am lagging behind or that fate is not in my favor. I will counteract that and make everyone take a second look. If this hasn't done so, I'm sorry but you'd have to meet me in person to truly understand.

But like I said being a working mom has its ups and it's downs and sometimes it can make you go psychotic. But regardless of your mental stature I highly recommend that you do not and I repeat do not judge a mother that you see on the street regardless of what her age might be because you will and may never know or understand what she had to do to get to where she is today. Granted I didn't put details into this entry and no I didn't break the law. But I will tell you that I did sell some of my things and worked double, sometimes triple shifts, so that I could give my baby girl clothes and food. Though I was not a working mother who had to beg for money or beg for food or even go to the local well and bring a bucket of water back, I do however, understand the sacrifices needed for a mother to provide for a child and bring him/ or her a healthy life. A reality some can't comprehend but I'll leave that up to you to judge. In simple terms being a working mother is hard, it's exhausting, and it is one of life's greatest joys. It makes life worth living and it makes the memories all the more sweeter. So cheers to being a working mom!!!!!

Holy Lights, Camera, Action!!!!!

 Okay so this post is gonna be short sweet and to the point because I'm hot. I am red-fire, steaming hot and all I really need to say is : Holy Lights!!!! Holy Camera!!! Holy Action!!!!

Yes I just said that! This is what Christmas is like now compared to a quaint night at home baking cookies and spending time with the family. I don't even know what to think about society anymore considering we are supposed to be above average than previous generations and we can't figure out what's important in out lives anymore! Yikes!!!
Now let me get something straight, I spend every Christmas with my family and we unwrap presents and we spend as much time together as possible during the holiday season while dodging work, school, and other day-to-day worries. But for society it seems like money talks and that watching commercials and getting the latest deals at the store is where the love is at. What? No. No No No. Who really cares if you get presents? Who cares if you get a turkey? And who cares if you don't buy anything for someone else? Christmas should never, ever, ever be about getting presents or bulking up on gifts. When I was a child, I didn't understand that really. All I knew was that Santa was on his sleigh and was going to drop tons of presents on me for that Christmas, but now that I'm older and have a daughter I've changed. I am more compassionate about being with my family and giving my daughter the best and meaningful Christmas every year. That's where the love is. That is where the magic is. And that is what I plan to celebrate every year. If your Christmas is looking more like Holy Lights!!!! Holy Camera!!!! Holy Action!!!! Then I think it's time you should consider what is important in your life. Presents? or Family?

Family Importance

I have learned that when you become a parent your child becomes your world. It is horrible to think that any parent could overlook how precious his/ or her child is just to pretend that they don't exist. Since my daughter was born February 23rd, 2016 her and her daddy have been the joys of my life and each day I thank God for bringing them to me and making each day a blessing. I can't put into too many words how much I love them but I can use few words to make a simple impact.

My daughter, Elayne Rose Hagadorn, is an incredible blessing. She came out of nowhere and now I can't imagine my life without her. Her daddy feels the same way. He adores our daughter and he works hard every single day to spoil his little princess. Her family adores her and wants to hold her every time they see her. It's some times hard to see her held by another because you want to yourself. It's a jealousy streak we parents have because our child is so precious.

The way she coos is calming and the way she smiles is daunting. The way she says 'da da' is funny and the way she says 'ma ma' is cozy. I know I sound like a mom who is head over heals in love with her baby girl but believe me once you see her you will too! Now as I said I can't constantly repeat the same phrases over and over again because it doesn't get straight to the point and it only gives an overview of how much I love my daughter, her daddy, and his family.


Lover's Grace (11-22-2016)

My heart blossoms openly
as our eyes meet
I cannot bear distance
from our lover's feat.

Fear grips my soul
of losing it all
not just the memories
but future's warm call.

My love remains true
my passion is steadfast
Faithful in our love
hoping it to last.

We've experienced the bad
grown in the good.
Raptured in each moment
as true couples should.

With our little bear
I made a promise
that I shall keep
no exceptions to this.

"One father she'll have
a warm, faithful mother
For all infinite time
not one, no other."

The strength within me
holds long and true
this love is timeless
and so are you.

Your family guides me
valued advice educates me
I've swallowed all pride
grateful for helping me.

I hope we grow
basking in our smiles
Living for our baby
through all the trials.

Like my promise before
the stars you are
has captured my star
and stolen my heart.

Forever and ever more my little family with be the star-crossed loves of my life and they are worth every sacrifice and every trial I have to experience to make sure they are given the best future. It is not easy being a parent and having a family because it is the key time in life where you need and have to put your family before yourself to get further and makes dreams bigger. I know I sound like a preacher that's giving advice to the choir but once you have a family of your own you will understand sacrifice and understand responsibility. When I first found out I was having a baby girl I cried and I felt I wasn't ready but now that she is here and gloating in her good health and I now want her to thrive and have an incredible life. With her and her daddy there I feel I can do anything because they keep driven to fight more, to push more, and to dream more. Once you have a family your set. Remember family is forever.

A Sin Amongst Humanity

Through the darkness tears fall of the little angels whose hearts have been broken. Not by the typical tragedy stories but their own peers and loved ones. What is the sin, you ask? Well my friends and colleagues that sin is bullying. Bullying is a crime that strips the innocent of confidence and self-worth and replaces it with destruction, confusion, rage, rebuttal, and sadness. A trait that some bullies thrive on and never notice until karma whips them back. I've known bullying all my life. I've experienced it first-hand and was given an insight as to how cruel the world can be to those who cannot fight back. Til 2011 I've been afraid. From then I grew up. I've changed.  Now it's over.

Throughout my childhood I lived a typical normal life. I had parents and a little brother whom I loved with all my heart. I was active in extracurricular activities and I excelled in my academics. Though from the surface all seemed to be fine and it seemed as if I was destined for a bright future regardless of where it led me. But to some it would of been a tragedy if I succeeded in my goals. I treated everyone with respect and I played like every child would but then it came. The names. The names. The torture of being called names.

I was a horse to some people
and a jackass to others.
I was a girl who had no friends
in a world full of troubles.

I tried to change my look
and even what I wore.
To stand in the crowd.
Just for someone to adore.

When I suffered they cheered.
When I cried they cheered.
I'd look away for one moment
and they'd sneer, sneer, and sneer.

I hid away broken
eating all I could
To break their cruelty
plan the death I should.

I hated the world
I had no will living
These jerks so cruel
Are they happy with sinning?

Sometimes I can't forgive
The remarks are stained
In my brain and my mind
To them I'm just the same.

As I grew I matured
Into a woman smart and bold
those who doubted me
Some lies you told.

Looking back I smile
I crack one each time
for I have a good heart
I'm stronger and refined.

Here I present my struggles during my years of bullying and how I grew over the years. I matured into a woman who is now thriving in her youth, her family, and her career path. I'm the living proof that even though you are bullied and doubted by some you can still become successful and live a tremendous life. Forget what others say. Stand for what you believe in and together we can subdue this sin amongst humanity.

Save the Animals for Our Children

Animals are people so I've been told so why do some humans not understand this logic. It's as if the human race doesn't understand that animals have feelings and that they are living beings who should be treated with respect. It is a horrific reality to see majestic animals that I have grown up with such as elephants, rhinos, and even snow leopards disappear before my very eyes. I say that we as a society should take a stand and end animal cruelty and poaching before it decimates our children's chance to bask in their majestic existence and the simple goodness that animals bring to the earth.

According to DoSomething.Org, "At the beginning of the 20th century there were a few million African elephants and approximately 100,000 Asian elephants. Today elephants are now considered endangered, there are about 450,000-700,000 African elephants and 35,000-40,000 Asian elephants." (DoSomething 11 Facts) From this statistic alone, we can see how poaching and hunting animals has gotten out of control. When I was growing up, I idolized animals and felt they were very kind and a very devoted species to their families. I saw pictures of the mothers with their babies and I always hoped one day I would be able to see them up close and capture the reality of their size. My parents told me I saw them as a kid when I was very young but I don't remember anything of elephants or animals really until I went to Disney World in the year 2000. I went down to Disney World in the year 2000 and that's when I actually remember getting to see these majestic beauties up close. On the ride Kilimanjaro Safaris, the tour guide let the guests know that elephants are very endangered along with the black rhinos, lions, and hippos.  As a kid, I didn't really know much about poaching or saving animals but when I got older my whole outlook changed.

Animals are living beings that give the younger generation something to learn about and something to spark their creativity. It gives the adults a chance to revisit their childhood and spark memories for their children. Since animals have feelings and have families of their own, how are they not people?
Yes, I do understand that they have fur on most of their bodies and that they don't talk in a language that we humans can understand but that is no excuse to poach them and treat them as if they don't suffer. I mean if anyone hurt my child who is so precious to me I would defend her and make sure who ever tried to inflict pain on her would get punishment and sent to jail. I would make sure she knows what love is and that she will always be loved no matter what she chooses in her life. Animals should be the same way. They know pain and they know what it is like to fight to survive in the wild.

In conclusion, if society doesn't stop poaching or destroying an animal's habitat then children and citizens in the future may never be able to hear a lion's roar or see an elephant in it's wild habitat. It's a tragic shame that I must post such a direct message of animal cruelty to you all but we must save the animals for our children. Save the opportunity for them to experience the magic of wildlife and to love animals in the process. So I will say clearly and passionately, Animals are people too! Stop Poaching!!!!!

https://www.dosomething.org/us/facts/11-facts-about-poaching-animals

Writing promotes philosophy? Writing is philosophy!

Writers are the best philosophers because they have a vast vocabulary and they have a broad knowledge of multiple subjects instead of narrowing on a particular. They have a very peculiar outlook on life and no matter what the situation or subject is they DO UNDERSTAND but they see it in a way that others do not. Sometimes I feel like I'm smarter than the average bear if they don't see it through my eyes. This is the opinion of a writer. Myself.

I consider those who reach beyond their expertise and reach beyond their limits on parchment are indeed philosophers. I just happen to be one of them. I take on the world like any other woman and like any person, who has just graduated college, I'm trying to make a name for herself in the world. But I have already made a name for myself. Not on a trophy or an award per say but on this piece of electronic parchment and the other pieces of parchment I have written on, published, or in case typed.

My name, a person's name, or even a fictional being can be made without any significant events. I sign my name on papers and applications all the time and every time I can tell it is not the same 

as the signature before. A good analogy to this is that my writing or focus of writing is always different. I could write a thriller story about a mysterious murder and then other times just rant on like a lunatic whose had too much booze to swallow. But I guess that is how you stand out from others in society. You have to be that lunatic. I am that lunatic. Never in a million years would I say that I am a lunatic but when it comes to writing passionately about things that no one else understands I might as well have a mental illness.

Now don't think that just because I said I am a lunatic that I am one or that any writer is psycho crazy. We each have our viewpoints and we want to grasp an audience that shares our viewpoints and will hopefully share them with the world. Most people think we have irrational minds or that we don't read the lines. Actually we do read the lines but we sometimes sneak in some statements that come from between the lines too so that the person we are talking to or the topic we are discussing has a joint standard. The joint standard simply means that the argument or declaration we are making has more than one attitude and it becomes the reader's decision on where it leads. Though not all writers provide the opportunity of joint standard to peek out in their writings we are open to other's opinions and we accept their feedback as their own philosophies. Capital idea to respect another's writing, isn't it?

For my writing personally I accept compliments and criticism no matter how angelic or vulgar. I respect all opinions from all walks of life and it never seizes to amaze me the multiple viewpoints society has. Though I may not agree with all of them and I cannot clearly see the vison I do try and get a grasp on them and get a better explanation or thought process. By keeping the open mind, I do become inspired by the multiple comments and the multiple possibilities around me to think outside the box. As I've said throughout college and as I'm saying now writers are philosophers and being a writer you have to accept that there is no finish line. If you set a finish line you won't get much of anywhere. If no line is drawn then the universe is yours.