Abnormal Normal

Hooker. Racist. Terrorist. Teen mom. Drop-out. Poverty. Good Samaritan Look at these stereotypes. No, really look. No one can say that this doesn't define what normal is in our 2017 society.

Now how and why do we see our society like this? Does this mean that you or I abide by one or more of these stereotypes? And if we do, does that mean we are failures at life or geniuses? But, I guess we should start with how and why society is viewed this way.

How is society viewed this way? It's because of the media, mostly. Why? Because the media is manipulative, deceitful, and attention-seeking. It manipulates the minds of society to believe every, yes EVERY single word that is either typed, printed, or said. Now, how is that not deceitful? Oh, it is very deceitful!!!! It's beyond deceitful; it's despicable and pathetic. And we all know that pathetic is attention-seeking, especially if it's over something that is not the end of the world or if it's not as dramatic as the pages depict.

Or is society viewed this way because of what we say? What!?! Yes, that is called rumors. That is called lies. That is called hearsay. That is called prejudice. You're probably thinking "Hell no I'm not prejudice. I don't judge anyone." Yeah. yeah. yeah. We are all prejudice and we judge everyone we come into contact with studying them and figuring out what their deal is. I know I have been judged and truthfully, most of the judgment I've received was critical judgment that allows me to grow in a positive direction. I'm not saying me being bullied was critical judgement; that was more or less a chance for others to discourage me. But, let me tell you it didn't work!!!! HA HA HA!!!

But anyways, stereotypes are so ridiculous that it makes me sick when I hear them or when someone compares me to them. Am I a Racist because I don't know about the group Black Lives Matter? No it's because I have no clue what it's about and I'm staying neutral on the matter. Am I a teen mom because I had my daughter at 22 while I was still in college? Umm as a matter of fact I had her, graduated from Penn State University less than 3 months later, and now I am working 2 jobs to take care of her. Am I a drop-out? No. Am I a hooker? No. Am I a Good Samaritan? Yes, I believe I am because I love to volunteer and help others and fight for what is right even though sometimes the right path is not the easiest one.

Does this mean I'm a failure at life or a genius? Well, thus far in life I've made many mistakes and I've experienced humility and personal disgrace along with successes and triumphs. During those mistakes, I failed at life, but if it wasn't for those mistakes I wouldn't be learning to make things right. Realizing that, makes me a genius, but a learning genius at that. You learn something new everyday. So never and I mean never think you know absolutely everything. No one does.

So short, sweet and to the point, I think I've made my argument about the abnormal, normal society we live in and how we, yes WE define it and how it got to be defined this way!

Night Prowlers

So I sorta feel like a freak. Why? Because I love to take nightly drives. Technically I should be asleep, but what happens when you don't sleep and your mind starts wandering wondering what to do, how to do it, and what you should do to make you tired. Ever felt like this? I know I have.

The simple thing I do is take a small drive or maybe a long drive because it allows me to be free. Allows me to think and not worry too much about every other psycho thing in life. So to express how I feel about taking nightly drives I decided to write a poem----this relates to one of the nightly drives I took when I was in college and it brings me back to peace and tranquility. What brings your mind to ease?

The Night Prowler (1-30-2017)

Basking in the darkness

Yes, basking in darkness

Surrounded in the darkness

Trembling in the shadows.

Alive, yes, I’m alive

Crowded in the notes

An amateur vocalist triumphs

In her shadowy hoax.

Who dares threaten me

To destroy my power

In this confined space

This the darkest hour.

The shadows they cower

My voice raises higher

This is my moment

Of sheer human power.

Surrounded in the black

Wrapped in the shadows

I howl to them

Eyes of the meadows.

No fear compels me

The melody consumes me

The stars shine almighty

No fear consumes me.

Basking in the glory

I’ve won the battle

No blood, no gore

Just teeth and chatter.

Pray on the night

I must, must survive

Face, yes, face me

The prowler comes alive.

Sacrifice Defined

Sacrifice can be defined by any number of things. What you do? How you do it? These two things define sacrifice to me. With these two characteristics you define what sacrifice means to you and shows the world who you are.

Sacrifice is defined as "the surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim." (Dictionary.com) Sound frightening, doesn't it? To give up something for something more important. What a thought!

Now that was just a dictionary/ direct definition of sacrifice. But let me tell you what sacrifice means to me and how I define it.

Sacrifice means showing the people you love how much you love them by giving up what is material and sometimes what is important for you. Since I started dating Alex Hagadorn in 2011 and since I became a mother last year I understand sacrifice beyond comprehension. I didn't worry too much about material things or expensive belongings because I wanted to make sure everyone I loved was taken care of. I'd stay up late doing schoolwork and working long hours so that me and my loved ones could spend time together and that our daughter had every joy and comfort that a little girl needs and deserves growing up. Bills were a given and food was a given but in my mind those were things that needed to be taken care of.

The first thing that comes to my mind is my family. Nothing else. As long as they have what they need to live, to survive, to enjoy life then I was contented. I've worked so many long hours and experienced so many sleepless nights so that I could provide for my family I didn't even bother keeping count----too many that's what!!!!! I've even sold my own belongings so that my family could thrive and have food on the table. Every penny is counted for and used and if some money if left over after all that (which is a luxury within itself) then I use the money for something productive that I know I can use in the future.

Speaking of the future, time itself can be a useful outlet for sacrifices. Take me for example, I use my time to be productive whether it's writing an article or blog like I am now, taking a stroll around the block to stay in shape, or planning my day-to-day schedule so I stay in control. Time is a precious thing and you never know how much you will have left on this earth. If I have the opportunity to relax or take a nap (which is very rare for me) it doesn't come without a tidal wave of guilt following because I could of used my time to a more constructive task such as me gathering research for my upcoming books. So----I will sacrifice that time I could use resting and put more focus towards a constructive outlet instead.

Now----How do I do it? Well, it's quite simple really. I just do it. Balance the odds I call it. Would you rather have your child starving and not have anywhere to live or would you rather have her healthy and thriving like you were as a baby? To me that's an easy choice. My daughter, Alex, and our families will always come first to me----regardless of anything else. Sounds pretty straight forward, doesn't it? Well, when you re a parent IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE. It's not called sacrifice unless you give up something that was once important to you or even not as important to you ( luxuries) and giving it up for something grander and even more valuable than your wants.

I think I've nailed down sacrifice, don't you? Now if you have no idea what sacrifice means or what it entails to make sacrifices then by golly you have not lived or struggled. Sacrifices are not supposed to be easy and they are not supposed to be fun-----HELLO! THAT'S WHY THEY ARE CALLED SACRIFICES!!!!!!!! NOT LUXURIES.  Now if your sacrifices benefit you in the long run then they can turn around and morph into luxuries but until then you have to make them every step of the way.

Another way on how to do it is by swallowing your pride, keeping your head high, and striding with your dignity intact by working as hard as you can. Believe me sometimes I feel like giving up and throwing everything away because I feel like my hard work will not amount to anything, but every time I think of Elayne, her daddy, and our families I push harder and my drive is even stronger. It's easier said than done I know but you have to have that drive to keep you going; to keep you motivated. That hard work will get you to a better place believe me----I wouldn't be where I am today if I didn't work my ass off.

I keep my dignity intact by keeping a positive attitude and treating everyone with respect. I never let anyone take pity on me because I don't need pity----pity parties are for those who don't give a damn and want the world to show them mercy and love. I completely understand that some people get into a rut and it's very, very difficult to get out. I have been there--- BELIEVE ME!!!! And if someone does give you pity then let that motivate you to get better and get to a better place. Like I said I swallow my pride and let my hard work speak for itself-----and believe me my hard work, my passion, my drive will speak for itself. If that doesn't surmount to anything then you are not the motivation I need.

Boom Sacrifice has been defined!!!! For me at least, how about you?

The White House Files

So does anyone ever wonder what Area 51 is? What's possibly hidden in there? Do most Americans know how the protocol for the 'line of succession' works if the President died? Did you know that the Executive Branch does not live in the same White House that was built over 300 years ago? Do you know that some of our Presidents were part of a secret society known as the 'Free Masons'?

So many questions......yet very few answers.

I've made it my mission to explore these questions and our presidential history and pull up the secrets that linger beneath the soil, the gravel, the concrete walls of our beloved Washington estate. I've created my own theories after extensive research and hours plucking through books and magazines. Sometimes I think my head might explode due to the amount of information I pull up and the possibilities that are unearthed.

Now do not think I am jumping into a psycho crazy illusion believing everything I read. I only get my information from esteemed sources and I use my own educational knowledge to piece together the truth. I do not plan to exaggerate my claims and I do not plan to seek praise for what I believe and hypothesize. And also do not believe that I am starting my journey from now to then. To understand the past and how it stills lingers in the present, we need to start there.


I plan to start my journey in the so called 'Revolutionary Period' of the 1700s because that is where the presidency started. 1789 to be exact with our first President, George Washington, and then work my way down to our President-elect Donald Trump. And no I won't be discussing political squabbles unless they serve a particular relevance to how America is where she is today. And I plan to make this expose bi-partisan in my intentions and arguments because it's better to see both sides than one side of history.

This expose may take weeks, months, or maybe even years for my to write and type up.......So why am I talking it now? So you my followers may anticipate and revel in excitement as to when it will be published or hopefully, released to more readership.

Let's see America's patriotic secrets and dig up our Four Fathers again!!

Blonde Petticoat Empowerment

To all you women out there....do you ever feel as if men don't understand what you face on a daily basis? Do you ever feel men need to be in your shoes and see the adversity, the criticism, the vulgar remarks you experience on a daily basis? Oh believe me I understand and I'm simply a woman who has been through just that. Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I don't have a voice!

On a daily basis when I walk out in public or when I simply go to my second job I am stared at like I'm a helpless puppy who has no way to defend herself, someone who has no powerful voice, a woman with the body to bewilder any man who looks at her. Dudes back off!!! I am happily taken and I have a distinct future that can outlast yours....all you need do is watch me prove you wrong.

                                      I defend who I am as a woman and as a hard ass worker.
I don't put on clothes to attract others; I wear clothes because I am conserving the dignity and the decency I have inside me. I am not one to flaunt the body I have because the only one who will see it is the man I see as the one for me. I see it as a disgrace for women to dress inappropriately and beg for a man to take their virtue away from them. I mean heaven forbid....your virtue is sacred!!!! Though I do not have my virtue anymore, I have given it to a man I love and it is his forever; my actions show the world that I am a faithful, respectful woman who loves once and done. Sacred!

I do not work 2 jobs and participate in the community being charitable and inspiring others just because I'm bored with my life and that I don't give two blah blahs about what happens to me. I don't write my articles and blogs because my words are fruitless and that they don't have any power to influence. I work 2 jobs because I have a family to support. I am involved in the community because I give a damn about those who need help and I want my legacy to show that I gave what I could to make a difference in the world and inspire others to do the same. I write my poems, my thoughts, my dreams out on parchment, through these blogs so that the world can see the world through my eyes. I want them to feel what I have seen through each vein and nerve in their bodies.
                                    Did you feel that burn of guilt?
                                                   If you did, you know me,what I've seen, and you feel you can do more. If you didn't, then you need to open your eyes because you have no idea what the world can be like; the horrors it holds.

I may be blonde but I am sure's hell not dumb. If you look at my words throughout my blogs and if you listen to the language I use day-to-day you obviously can tell I'm well-educated. As I tell my fellow friends and co-workers I know more about the British monarchy and American history than I know about our own present government (So much changing it's almost impossible to keep up anymore). Along with my language my knowledge is vast and stretches farther than most believe.....Take herbal/ old world medicine, take algebra, take kinesiology, take geology, take philosophy, take adolescent psychology.......this is just some of the multiple subjects I have studied throughout my life thus far along with history. Mind blown yet? So yes, if you think I am your average blonde, you're dead wrong.....I'm not average; I'm not even above average; I'm in a class of my own!

So if you read the title of this post......it says Blonde Petticoat Empowerment.......well, as I said I am blonde, I am what most would consider a petticoat who needs a man to lead her and who can't defend herself, and I am empowered hence the post and somewhat of a rant of being strong woman who works hard to provide for the ones she loves and to secure the future she knows she deserves.

                                         Who is this Blonde Petticoat Empowerer? ME!!!! That's who!

Salvation for the Homeless

I'm looking outside right now and the dreary, cold, raw air is not the only thing that chills my bones. It is not the fact that the sun barely shines it's heat this time of year, but merely the fact that millions of people live in poverty; sometimes so much so that clothes don't even cover their backs and that food does not reside in their stomachs. It is merely the thought of imagining a child and, even an adult struggling to bring comfort and joy into their homes and their life. The thought of asking for more and more troubles me, most of the time, because I have all I need and I want to give to those who don't. I grew up fortunate basking in the great luxuries that only a humble girl can understand.

I had a family, I built a family. I have food, now I give food. I was given money, now I save money.

Homelessness is not a fate I would wish on anybody, not even my worst enemy. It is a fate that is cruel, despicable, and revolting to my mind. I have seen homelessness at its worst and whenever I see a beggar on the streets I feel compelled to give even just a penny, a bottle of water, or to drive this individual to a restaurant so they can have a decent meal. My 11th grade history teacher taught me that. Always give what you can, do what you can to bring light to another.

Now, that sounds like I am preaching to the choir because most people say they are going to reach out when in reality they don't. In reality I counteract this because I have. I have been giving my old clothes to the Salvation Army for years and I donate my old toys and winter clothing to children. When I was in Newark, New Jersey in 2015 (one of the most dangerous and impoverished cities in the United States at the time) I saw homelessness as I never had before. On the trip we were split into two groups and my group interacted one-on-one with children. Unfortunately, some of the children we interacted with came from broken homes and some were actually homeless. My heart broke for them so I made sure that each child I interacted with was hugged, loved, and smiled.

During the same trip, we were allowed to visit New York City for one day and that changed my perspective of the homeless for eternity. As soon as my group got off the subway at the New York Station and we passed through the gates at the terminal, I saw it. I looked over to my right and there was an African American woman sleeping in what seemed like a multitude of ripped blankets surrounded by what looked like a cardboard fence. She had one backpack and her clothes were hung by a self-made laundry line. I was appalled that anybody could walk by and not help her. The scary thing was she looked my age, maybe even younger. I said to my group "I've never seen something like this before.....I've seen such things in movies but I never thought I would see the horror". I never thought I would see someone sleeping in a subway terminal and, worse, seeing numerous and, I mean numerous people walk by and not feel compelled to help or even showed a speck of compassion.

After we left the terminal we started to walk out on the streets of New York City. The surrounding atmosphere did little to excite me because that woman we passed was branded in my mind. Throughout our walk I saw beggars. I saw self-made tents of tarp and trash bags. I saw big flashy stores and expensive boutiques that my group wanted to explore and get the opportunity to rave on the latest fashions, but I wanted to spend the time helping those individuals I saw. I felt the need to find the nearest laptop and research the homelessness rates and the percentages of poverty within these cities I was visiting. I felt compelled to give all the change in my pocket to the nearest pair of stricken, starving eyes and buy him/ or her a soda or a cookie. Items that are common to us and luxuries to them. It affected me so much that it was impossible to sleep that night, though when I woke up the next day I made it seem like I was well-rested.

How can you sleep knowing that out there another human being is shivering in the cold? How can you sleep knowing that a child is digging in a dumpster somewhere looking for his/ or her dinner? How can you sleep knowing individuals are at risk for freezing to death every winter because they don't have the proper clothes or insulation to keep their bodies warm?

How can you sleep?

After that trip I made it one of my goals, one of my life passions to do all I could to help the needy and the homeless. I felt so guilty of asking for things when really I had ever thing I needed. I do splurge sometimes on myself getting a new shirt or a new piece of furniture, but it sure's heck doesn't come without a wave of guilt because like I said that women in the terminal is still branded in my mind. I don't know if she is dead or alive and I hope that she will be led to a better life and if I see her again before I die, I hope myself can bring her to a better sight than a terminal view.

Diary Entry of a Working Mother

"Another day another dollar. Another day another poopy diaper. Another day I scream and mutter. Another day I beg for help....for this working mother. I clean and wash. I type and write. I sleep 4 hours. I think and fight. I work steady shifts. I'm paid by the hour. I've got no quarrel. I just need a shower. I live by my planner. I live for my child. I've buried my priorities. They've been there awhile. I pray for blessings. I give all I have. I save every penny made. To her on my behalf. Her presence is my joy. His presence is my soul. The future is my promise. To make it true and make it bold. So from these words you see I'm a working mother indeed. I know sacrifice. I know faith. I know love. I know fate. But here you will know what I have become through the blood, sweat, and tears that I've run."- Heather Searfoss, 12/29/2016


A working mother is someone who I idolized all my life. The person who I knew I wanted to grow up to become. As a child I witnessed what hard work was and how it would be a part of my future.

I don't remember asking my parents why they worked so late and I don't remember asking them why they looked so tired. I think I always knew. I do remember asking them though why do you do the jobs you do? Why are you a police officer? I'd ask my dad or why are you a nurse? I'd ask my mom and the simple answer I got was  "because I want to help people, it's a job that I love, and it's provides for you and Kyle." Well, that settled anymore questions about their jobs really. It also got me thinking about what I wanted to become growing up. I envisioned a nurse like my mom or a storm chaser like on the weather channel......two professions I obviously didn't become.

When I got to high school I began to think of becoming a doctor, like the one who performed my spinal fusion in 2008, or to become a chef because I loved to cook, or to become a lawyer, a job that is scholarly, well-paid, and a safer complimentary alternative to my dad's law enforcement career. All seemed to be good options but then I was thrown the curveball that maybe I shouldn't attend college......maybe it was just a waste of time or maybe it may not get me to where I want to be. Well, my dreams and goals talked louder than that option so I blew it off and submitted my application to Penn State University, where I attended for 4.5 years and graduated with a Bachelor's Degree in Humanities majoring in Communications/PR. It was the most grueling, longest, toughest, most amazing, most valued, most memorable, most tearful, most aggravating 4.5 years of my life. Now that doesn't seem like fun but let me explain to you the facts of why it was like this. I took full class loads every semester even during one summer semester (which is 4+ classes, 12 credits+), I worked between 1-3 jobs throughout school saving up as much as I could and experiencing the joys of being young, I made and met so many amazing friends and people I can't count them all, and I was introduced to some of the most incredible, scholarly, innovative, and experienced professors I have ever met. 3 of my favorites in particular were Catherine McCormick (Photography, Writing for the Media, Media Management), Amy Sauertieg (Public Relations, Event Planning, and PR Strategies), and Richard Pierce (Psychology 101, Adolescent Psychology). I was also involved with fundraising events on campus such as Santa for Soldiers, Toys for Tots, and Alternative Spring Break, which were life-changing experiences because you truly realize how lucky you are. I also worked behind the scenes to apply for internships/ externships, write new poems/ short stories, publish my poetry and written works with local publishers, and start to plan out the publishing of my work in progress: In the Gladiator's Eye. Sound intimidating enough?

Well, this is all before and during my adventure of becoming a mother. It sounds so ridiculous but I did all of that with fate, criticism, and doubt going against me. I cracked under pressure a few times but let me tell you all the hellfire I faced was well worth it. I balanced jobs back and forth. I applied anywhere and everywhere I could. I admit I made quite a few mistakes, some I do regret but then again how did I end up where I am now? Through the turmoil I came out on top stronger than I was before, more confident, brighter, and curveball ready. Now you are probably asking yourself where does being a mother fit into this? Well, read what I wrote and imagine being pregnant with a baby, delivering that miracle, and having to face all of that tumultuous stuff. Does that answer your question? Simply it wasn't easy. At points it was fun and other points were like wishing you were 6 feet under ground at that exact moment. But, I promise you I am alive and well. But now I guess you are wondering where am I now?

Well, I am a recent graduate of Penn State University. May 8th, 2016 to be exact. (My daughter was born February 2016.) I am an employee of a government IT distributor and I am a social media wizard. I have my own blog : http://soccerxlspsu.blogspot.com/ and I have a professional Facebook page where I list and post my latest writings, articles, and poems. I am on the volunteer committee for the non-profit organization, The Peyton Walker Foundation, which brings awareness to sudden cardiac arrest and plans out the organizations fundraisers, heart screenings, and events for the upcoming year. I am about to be published in my 4th Best Poets of the Year (2011, 2012, 2013, and 2016) by Eber & Wein Publishing and I am currently working on 3 books that are works in progress that I plan to have published soon. I am a mother of a beautiful 10 month old baby girl and in my spare, rare time I run, I take photos, I read history books, I watch documentaries, and I listen to rock music. So you can definitely not say that I am lagging behind or that fate is not in my favor. I will counteract that and make everyone take a second look. If this hasn't done so, I'm sorry but you'd have to meet me in person to truly understand.

But like I said being a working mom has its ups and it's downs and sometimes it can make you go psychotic. But regardless of your mental stature I highly recommend that you do not and I repeat do not judge a mother that you see on the street regardless of what her age might be because you will and may never know or understand what she had to do to get to where she is today. Granted I didn't put details into this entry and no I didn't break the law. But I will tell you that I did sell some of my things and worked double, sometimes triple shifts, so that I could give my baby girl clothes and food. Though I was not a working mother who had to beg for money or beg for food or even go to the local well and bring a bucket of water back, I do however, understand the sacrifices needed for a mother to provide for a child and bring him/ or her a healthy life. A reality some can't comprehend but I'll leave that up to you to judge. In simple terms being a working mother is hard, it's exhausting, and it is one of life's greatest joys. It makes life worth living and it makes the memories all the more sweeter. So cheers to being a working mom!!!!!