As I am running my hands over the keyboard, the only thing that I can think about is how for 10 years strong I have been able to battle the robot inside me. It's not the mechanical monster that you see in movies and it is not a microchip that is sleeping awaiting to make a killer blow on the world.
But it is a remote control split into two 18-inch bars on either side of my spine that dictates how I move, how I should live my life, and how each physical challenge must be tackled. By means that the bars prevent my back, except my neck and my hips, from bending. But you are all probably wondering how does your back bending even play a significant role towards living a normal life?
Well, everything actually.
Every day you bend your back. Whether you drop something, you are doing aerobics in the gym, or even just picking a child up to be held.
About 85% of my back has metal and screws in it. The other 15% doesn't so that other 15 percent is where my strength is tested. It is where most of the stress and pain come from because I need to rely on them more.
And that is where my story begins.
On Monday February 18th, 2008 I was rolled into the operating room at the Children's Hospital of Philidelphia (CHOP) for a life-changing surgery known as a 'spinal fusion'. This means that my spinal vertebrae is fused together with special medical grafts and other hardware. In my case the hardware was screws and 2 bars.
My back before the surgery was curved at 65 degrees at the top and 32 degrees below so my rib cage was out on one side of my body and my hips were out on the other side. The curve was noticeable when I did back-handsprings for cheerleading because once I flipped backward it was like my body twisted and I didn't land right behind me, but a little to the right instead. Or when I stood up and my one shoulder was taller than the other. I had tried wearing a back brace for almost 2 years and I went to a local chiropractor for some sessions, but nothing seemed to work.
Dr. John Flynn, Orthopedic Surgeon at CHOP, met with me and my mom and he said due to the severe curvature of my spine, surgery was the only option to help. The surgeon said that my back muscles were as strong as a football player's and that I'd have the strength to heal quickly. At the time in 2008 because of how my rib cage was positioned it made my left lung constricted (smaller than the right) so it was difficult for me to take full breaths using both lungs.
If I didn't get surgery my spine would most likely be at a curvature of 100 degrees which would have my rib cage entirely on one side of my body and would put my crucial internal organs at risk of being damaged.
Not a risk I wanted to take.
So that cold February day I was wheeled into the operating room with the images of my parents saying I love you still fresh in my mind. Though the one thing I do remember before falling asleep was telling the anesthesiologist "Please take care of me", the mask being put on my face, and me being flipped over on the operating table feeling the blue cushions around my face. And I was out.
When I woke up my vision was blurred to the point where I couldn't make out what or who was in front of me. I remember my mom holding my hand sitting on my right. My dad and my brother, Kyle, standing at the end of the bed and two other family members standing on the left, but I don't remember who they were. I was told I was so swollen that no one recognized me and my family even asked if they had the right room. I had probes on my arms, my stomach, and my legs so that blood circulation continued. The probes, in the aftermath, left huge bruises all over my body that took weeks to heal.
Tuesday: I couldn't eat anything because the Morphine made me very, very sick. I had my mom constantly turn me because I couldn't get comfortable in my hospital bed, which seemed to be every few minutes. The turning was so frequent for my mom she asked me "Can you stay in one position for 5 minutes?" We both laughed, but we took it seriously because we didn't want my back to get stiff. My mom was battling a very bad cold during all of this. She left to go back to the hotel and take a shower and she told me she would be back soon. But after an hour or so I was wondering where on earth is my mom, is she even alive? Then she came back and she said she had laid down on the bed and fallen asleep. She was battling a cold and was exhausted as I was so I could understand why she did. During the evening hours, Dr. Flynn visited me to see how I was doing and showed my mom the x-rays of my back after the surgery. I didn't have much strength so I briefly turned my head to the left and asked my mom "Am I straight?" She said yes and I turned back over, smiling and went back to sleep.
Wednesday: I tried to eat some of the hospital food, but not long after I got sick. Then I was taken off the Morphine in the wee hours of the following morning. This was the day/night we started to have me sit, stand, and walk all over again; meeting rebuild my strength and help my body adjust to the bars. We would time me sitting for 20, 30, up to 45 minutes and would walk to the room door and back to the bed multiple times. The back pain was excruciating. (Not as excruciating as the back pain and contractions I felt having my daughter because where the bars ended is where most of the pressure was to push. I was able to have an epidural, thankfully. If the bars would have gone one section lower I wouldn't of been able to and a caesarean section would have been inevitable.)
Thursday: Me and my mom did the same physical therapy. I actually had McDonald's for my only meal. Since I had gotten sick from the Morphine earlier in the morning, my appetite was diminished somewhat. My nurse, Bridget, recommended McDonald's by saying "If I have a bad day or I don't feel good, McDonald's is the ticket." She was 100% right. Me and my mom got McDonald's and I ate the chicken nuggets and fries as if they were candy. And I kept it all down gratefully.
Friday: I had to walk around the unit twice and climb stairs before they could discharge me to go home. I was so excited to finally leave the hospital. I was finally straight though I had hundreds of stitches going down my back with hundreds of bandages, too. I had lost 15lbs while in the hospital. Around 12pm, we finally went home. I was the fastest patient to leave the hospital after a spinal fusion in their history at that time.
Once I got home I had 2 weeks of schoolwork to complete before I went back, but that didn't stop me at all. I finished all my school work. I took 2 mile walks every single day. I lifted 3 lbs weights to rebuild my back muscles. I went back to school in less than 2 weeks doing half days at first (faster than any patient at the time) and I went back to cheerleading 6 months after my surgery (faster than any patient at the time).
I'd say my determination was very powerful.
During my stay in the hospital I was asked if I wanted to participate in a long term study and give them feedback on how I'm living life and how my recovery and lifestyle have been since the surgery. I agreed and here I am 10 years later.
Out of the blue I
received an email from Dr. Flynn's office wondering if I would like to come in for a follow-up appointment. I immediately said yes because I felt my feedback and experience could help many others like myself.
On January 18th, 2018 I drove down to The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia to meet with the orthopedic surgeon, Dr. John Flynn, who performed by spinal fusion 10 years earlier. As always the drive down is a pain and your butt is going to hurt after 2 hours driving each way. But it wasn't my butt I was thinking about it was how much the hospital had changed since 2008 and how surreal it was to be back.
I received x-rays and went through tests to see how my recovery has progressed over the past 10 years. When Dr. Flynn walked in I was in a state of deja vu remembering the last time I was in his doctor's office 6 months after I had surgery. He said the critical things we look for are whether the untouched parts of the spine have been progressing in curvature, if a bar has broken, or if a screw came lose. He flat out said "Your back looks great and you definitely are an A+ regarding how well you are recovering."
He gave me a copy of my x-rays and I couldn't believe the extent of how far the bars went down my back. He gave me some fitness tips on how to strengthen the muscles of my back and my core muscles without disrupting the junction between the bars and the rest of my spine. Meaning yoga core strengthening. (ex. Planks) I nodded my head and told him that I was writing a article and blog on my experience and that I would love to share it with him and his colleagues so they knew what my entire experience was like. He was delighted and the appointment ended.
Since February of 2008, I have graduated high school, I have graduated from Penn State University with a Bachelor's Degree in Humanties, which I will be returning to to complete my second Bachelor's degree in Nursing and a master's degree in Healthcare Administration, I have a 2 year old daughter, and here I am standing before you now.
A survivor. A conqueror. A believer that even a robot can't win.
