Make It or Break It

There are those who say that the sport of gymnastics can relate to this thing we call life. That the trials we face can be like breaking a bone on the vault doing a double back-tuck or like getting a brush burn on the floor, falling on your knees after doing the triple full that you have been practicing for months.

I know more about gymnastics than most realize because I was a cheerleader who tumbled her heart out and gave every single second she could to improving her skills and landing every trick she had. I can still feel the sensation of flying through the air and landing flat on my feet after doing a round-off back tuck. I can still feel my back bending after doing a double backhand-spring on the spring floor of my gym I called home and my playground.

I admit I had a couple tumbles and scrapes and I definitely had some scary moments of landing on my head and having the thought oh God, did I break my neck? Scary yet powerful nonetheless because each tumble and scrape just made me want to land the tricks even more. But, I didn't get as far as I wanted to because life had other curveballs to throw.

But as I was saying gymnastics does have a way of relating itself to life as does every sport in existence. The tumbles and scrapes are like little mountains you have to climb. Depending on the circumstances, it may take some ice and you'd be able to get up within a few minutes and there are others where you need more time or a different strategy to tackle it. I've been through both.

I had to give up my love of tumbling because I had a spinal fusion when I was just 14 years old and that surgery prevented me from moving forward in my cheerleading career. I was devastated because I absolutely loved the feeling on putting on my gear, mentally preparing myself on the tricks I needed to perform, and I loved feeling of the mat underneath my fingers. It was a blow I think about everyday, but it gave me the strength to put my energy into something more efficient and needed. My coaching and school. That was my life-long injury that prevented me from doing what I loved.

Though every once in a while I look at the pictures of my cheering days and I smile because it was so much fun and I took it so seriously that I won awards for my spirit, my attitude, and my team-based coaching strategy. It's memories that I never forget and probably won't be able to.

The gymnastics world like the real world is an unforgiving place and it will take you through some of the craziest and wild rides of your life. But, take each new skill as a blessing and use it as best you can whenever you can. Take each fall as a chance to rebuild your strategy and move forward, learning a lesson from it. And take each blow as a chance to turn into something good; never negative. The bumps, cuts, scrapes, and bruises mean that you fought hard and have nothing to prove; you just never gave up is what that means.

The only person who can make it or break it is you. So the question is.........what will you do to make it?

Passion is Love. Love is Life. Life is Kindness.

Passion is defined as "a state or outburst of strong emotion". Now that is a passionate definition for that simple word. Do I have passion? Yes, I very much do. Every human being in this life has passion, has a reason to live, a strength undeterred by anything. What are my passions? To help others who need it, stand for the truth, to be kind to everyone and everything, to love my friends and family through all trials and tribulations, to state my opinion regardless of the result, and to make my voice heard and make a difference in another's life, no matter what.

Now that, ^ this is passion. My Passion.

Love is defined as blind. Love is defined as magic. Love is defined as an incredible attraction, devotion, and connection to another person, place, or thing. Do I have love? Yes, yes I do. I love my writing, my charitable work, I love my independence, I love my family and my friends to the point of taking a bullet for them, and most importantly, I love being me. I love Love. Have I been In Love? Yes, yes I have and it was the most incredible love of my life. Do I believe in True Love? Yes, yes I do. Though a philosophy, I do believe that each of us feels a connection with "one" person that we cannot feel with another and never will. And that connection stays with us for eternity. Have I experienced that? Yes, yes I have and I still feel it now.

Now that ^ this is love. My Love.

Life is defined as hard. Life is defined as amazing. Life is defined as this crazy world that we live in. Do I have a life? Yes, yes I do. I live my life, I've fought for my life, I've enjoyed my life, I've seen crazy things in my life, but all the same it is my life and life is what you make of it. Does life drive you crazy? I'm sure it does for everyone at some point, but you always have to remember that those crazy moments will stand by you forever and teach you, remind you, and inspire you. My thoughts are that if you can make it through the tough times of your life, the sweet things are always sweeter.

And your life is always yours, so make it count. You only have one.

Now that ^ this is life. My Life.

Kindness is defined as the unwavering ability to show positive, respectful energy to another person or thing. Kindness is that emotion that is free and should be shown every single day. Do I have kindness? Yes, yes I do. I give kindness every single day. Just a simple hello and a smile will suffice me because I know that is simply enough to make my day brighter. Giving a simple farthing to someone in need is beyond enough for me because I know it is being done for the greater good. A task I do more often than people realize. Kindness comes in so many forms and it doesn't take much to do so. I give kindness each and everyday because I know the hardships of being brought down by others and most of them never got the chance to know me. I am kind because it makes me feel good and it's an amazing feeling when you smile to another. Kindness should always be spread, you never who may need it and who really deserves it at that moment you do.

Now that ^ this is kindness. My Kindness.

Passion is Love. Love is Life. Life is Kindness. Care and Love Passionately. Love your Life. Live to be Kind. Be Kind to those who Live.

Bullying and Self- Image

Bullying and self-image go hand in hand because without bullying we would not have some of the self-image issues that we have today. Bullying is a disease haunting our schools and our online communities. Bullies come in all shapes and sizes and they come with a very wide range of attitudes. Depending on the bully, they can criticize you who you are as an individual, for what you own, how you dress, and how you look (physical attributes). Bullies gain their confidence and power from other people’s weaknesses, so if you were self-conscious about your body they could make it ten times worse. For example, you are worried about gaining weight and being called fat; a bully comes up to you and calls you a name “Lardo” and then tries to shove food in your face. You feel depressed and self-conscious for the rest of the day. How will you handle it? Well, depending on the individual you have many options, (1) tell the bully to leave you alone, (2) go home take the bully’s advice and eat uncontrollably til you do get fat, or (3) shrug it off because you know that you are not fat. The second option is what most teenage girls do when a bully comes up to them with that remark. It is in a girl’s nature to not want to be fat or unattractive because it gives them the opportunity to catch the attention of boys and their peers. If a person comes up to them and calls them fat, they will feel overwhelmed as if everyone thinks the same thing and they will change how they look. Sometimes girls go to drastic measures to change their appearance by hiding under saggy clothes, staying home from school, or they will believe what the bully has said and act on that. An example of this behavior is eating disorders. Eating disorders include anorexia nervosa (starving) and bulimia (non-stop vomiting). The eating disorders mentioned are mental issues inside a female that give you the sense or belief that you are overweight and fat when you are not. The effects of eating disorders are drastic and can lead to hospitalization, therapy, and death. Victims should not be intimidated by bullies because bullies have their own insecurities and can be criticized like any other human being. But, being the bully yourself is not the answer. Some ways to handle a bully include telling an adult, telling the bully to stop, or ignoring the remark or action altogether. If you follow these tips, you will be able to stop a bully in its tracks.

Self-image is a problem which we all face through our school years. We try to differentiate what is appropriate and what is acceptable amongst our peers. We have different ideas about what defines positive and negative self-image but let’s start with the positive. The characteristics of feeling confident about your self-image is by having a positive attitude towards your daily activities, you exercise daily or when convenient, and you can look in the mirror and say that you look beautiful and walk out the door. Your body type should not affect your positive self-image nor should how you eat because the physical appearance does not matter. The only thing that should matter is how you personally feel about yourself and how you feel you look in your own eyes. Negative self-image is easy for anyone especially teenage girls to understand because in their middle school and high school years, teenage girls are more likely to criticize or complain about how they look instead of giving themselves a compliment. In the pre-teen and teenage years, girls start to go through puberty and hormonal changes. Changes such as these can make a girl feel insecure or out of place because they want to be cool and normal in their development. An example of this is when a girl starts to develop physically. The girl could look in the mirror and think she is so ugly when really she is starting to develop into a woman and start experiencing changes, such as the menstrual cycle, acne, and physical attributes. In the teenage years, girls try to adapt to these changes by wearing different clothes and experimenting with make-up; the female psychological purpose to do this is to look beautiful and accepting to their peers. If they look in the mirror and do not like what they see, they will change it within an instant because they do not feel beautiful or accepting. Girls also complain about how they look physically by saying they are too fat, they didn’t wear the right outfit, or because they feel insecure of themselves. It’s perfectly natural to feel insecure about your body because you want to have the feeling of acceptance with you all day and feel as if you accomplished something. It is healthy to call yourself beautiful and to wear clothes to build your confidence but it is not healthy to constantly cut yourself up and destroy your self-confidence when you are already beautiful. Everyone has different qualities and everyone sees beauty differently, but you can not speak negatively about it.

Cyber Profit

The Internet is a playground for our capitalist societies to not only develop new, innovative technologies but to make as much profit as possible. The idea of the Internet spawned great promise and hope for the intellectual communities because it would give them an opportunity to thrive on vast amounts of knowledge and information. On the other hand, the government and monopolistic corporations saw the Internet as a breeding ground for advertising and for developing their businesses. “There is more media than ever before” said Joe Mandese, editor-in-chief of Media Post, “media is being spawned every second.” In our modern society new innovations on technology are created every single day and they are being used not only to seek out information but to sell products and services as well. Since the development of the World Wide Web in 1990 I believe that the Internet has become more profitable than educational.

It is argued in McChesney’s Digital Disconnect that the Internet has become more commercialized and is used for more profit seeking purposes such as advertising and campaign promotion. I actually disagree and say it is equally distributed because according to Education Week “Public schools now provide at least one computer for every five students” (Ed Week, 2016) and it allows more students to be exposed to the technology within the classroom. It mentions briefly in the article by Education Week that faculty are slower to adapting this technology to their teachings because they don’t know what influence it has on its student’s performance. However, according to former governor of West Virginia and president of the Alliance of Excellent Education, Bob Wise, “strong gains in achievement occur by pairing technology with classroom teachers who provide real-time support and encouragement to under deserved students.” (Stanford, 2014) In my opinion by pairing teachers with technology it allows the student to be introduced to a new way of learning while also receiving personal instruction from their teachers. It also helps the students thrive when they move on to the following grades because with each grade the content and nature of the information being presented gets more intense and the usage of the technology will become more obvious. Although technology is slowly making its way into the public school sphere it is not as obvious as the advertisements the American public witnesses every day.

According to the 1993 trade publication Advertising Age “marketers stated that they feared a tidal wave of flaming from a cyberspace community peopled by academics and intellectuals who regarded a commercialized Internet as advertising hell” (McChesney, 102) and in my opinion the publication is correct and the marketers should be afraid. The American public sees an advertisement each time they log on to the Internet and they are manipulated into buying products on a daily basis. The baseline goal of a corporation is to make enough profits to pay their workers, create new products, and to advertise its products to the public. Corporations spend thousands or even millions of dollars to flash its name on a billboard so that it can attract new audiences. In my opinion it is amazing how far some corporations will go and how much money they will spend to get a tiny glimpse from the American public. According to the online magazine Digi Day an ad on the” Yahoo homepage is around $450,000 and on the YouTube home page it is about $400,000”. (Digi Day, 2013) In short a corporation would have to pay close to half a million dollars to plaster its companies name on the top websites on the Internet. This reality defies the creator of the World Wide Web, Tim Berners-Lee, because he said it “would have been unthinkable to patent it or ask it for fees” (McChesney, 103) the point of the Internet was sharing for the common good” said Lee. But sharing for the common good only gave corporations more of a reason to invest in the Internet because it was a profit making market. According to Al Gore in McChesney’s Digital Disconnect, who helped fund the Internet, “the foundation for the “information superhighway” should be a public network analogous to the interstate highway system.” (McChesney, 116) He basically argued that corporations should use the Internet as much as they use the highway system to promote their products and services. The corporations since then have taken advantage of the Internet because the American public not only sees it while they drive them also receive it through its email-based inbox. But now the American public can now control what ads they want to see and which ones they don’t which can jeopardize a corporation’s goal to obtain more consumers. The fact that consumers can now control what they see can limit how much power corporations and even the government has on how the Internet is to be run.

In conclusion the Internet has grown into a vast superhighway of information and knowledge since it was first thought of in the post-World War II era. It is clear that it has become more commercialized through the use of advertising and new innovative technologies. It is also clear that technology has morphed its way into our lives more than ever before with the adaptation to the public school system. It is unclear how commercialized the Internet will become and what new technologies will arise because of its development. But one thing is certain that the Internet usage has grown from hundreds to billions of people worldwide and that each person who has access to it is subjected to the commercialization of hundreds of monopolistic corporations.

Works Cited

Herold, B. (2016, February 5). Technology in Education: An Overview. Education Week, 1. doi:http://www.edweek.org/ew/issues/technology-in-education/

Johnson, C. (2006, September 17). Cutting Through Advertising Clutter. Retrieved April 9, 2016, from http://www.cbsnews.com/news/cutting-through-advertising-clutter/

Marshall, J. (2013, February 22). What Online Ads Really Cost. DIGIDAY. doi:http://digiday.com/publishers/what-online-ads-really-cost/

McChesney, R. W. (2013). Digital Disconnect. New York/ London, NY: The New press.

Technology can close achievement gaps, improve learning. (2014, September 10). Stanford Graduate School of Education. Retrieved April 9, 2016, from https://ed.stanford.edu/news/technology-can-close-achievement-gaps-and-improve-learning-outcomes

Giving Up vs Following your Dreams

Giving Up vs. Following your Dreams (6-18-2017)

Giving up is and should never be an option. As I mentioned, previously, giving up is a death sentence. Fighting with your heart and dreams is a life sentence.

I cannot emphasize enough the importance of my dreams to me. I’ve always wanted to be a writer and I think I always knew I had that gift or enjoyment to extend the English language, among a few others.

Scary, yet true, following my heart sometimes isn’t easy, but it makes me a very loving person. I am quite a softy, but I am also a fighter with a strong will. Underestimating my loving, strong nature is a mistake.

Though I am following with what makes me happy, I have no regrets. Isn’t happiness the main goal of life? I believe so. Is being rational and happy possible? Yes, but only if being rational is exactly what you wanted in life. I do want to be prosperous. I do want to be in a lovely home that has quite the character. I can just picture driving my mustang and going on a cross country road trip. Being rational to make another happy is justifiable when it involves a child, but it is also possible to follow your dreams, be happy, and make everyone happy in the process. To get those dreams, I listed it will take quite a bit of hard work, but I know it will be worth it. Staying true to yourself and what you believe is most important. Another’s words are not your words. Always follow your gut instinct.

Believe in yourself and keep fighting.

Ethnography-Battle of Gettysburg

Heather Searfoss

6-25-2015

Ethnography Assignment

            “That we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain. That this nation under God shall have a new birth of freedom and that government of the people, by the people, and for the people shall not perish from this earth” is an empowering quote from the Gettysburg Address describing the sight of the landscape after the Battle of Gettysburg from President Abraham Lincoln. For this paper I decided to research the Battle of Gettysburg and it impact it leaves on us Pennsylvania natives because it is a cultural and historic event that each Pennsylvania native knows by heart and I find the history of this particular event fascinating. It is not so much the event overall that leaves the impression but the details from within that tell the true story and leaves the greatest impact.

            As I mentioned earlier, Pennsylvania natives are fluent in knowledge when it comes to Gettysburg because it is within the heart of the state and those who have relatives that either live in the city or fought in the famous battle show their patriotic pride religiously. The city of Gettysburg thrives with the spirit and historic fascination of the Civil War with the colors Union Blue and Confederate Gray lining the streets corners everywhere. The neighborhood is a rustic version of the 1800s with a modern twist because of the new technology and array of automobiles that flow through the city streets each day. Many of the automobiles belong to tourists who come to frolic in the vast history Gettysburg has to offer. Modern scholars however, try to grasp this spirit with academic writings and complicated words to describe the energy and the landscape of the city of Gettysburg. According to author Joseph Pierro “No visitor can help but notice the seemingly schizophrenic nature of the Gettysburg battlefield” (Pierro, 2004) and that is true because the landscape consists of multiple hills and valleys. It makes scholars and even tourists curious as to how the two massive armies were able to fight without confusion or getting lost for that matter because Gettysburg was woods and miles away from huge cities during the 3 days battle. Regardless, scholars still recognize Gettysburg as one of the greatest battles ever fought as Cambridge Journal states “Waterloo Eclipsed!!” (Patterson 1982) which means that the battle was insignificant compared to this incredible battle fought on American soil. And it is on this soil that locals appreciate and stand in awe of the battlefield’s glory.

            “It is a sight to see when you watch the battle unfold before your eyes; it is as if history comes alive in a split second” said local observer Alex Hagadorn after watching the reenactment of the Battle of Gettysburg for the first time. It is silent as the cannons erupt and loud cheers are raised with each order to attack the enemy. The town locals are unaffected by the sounds of bursting cannon fire because it becomes synonymous with everyday life and most of them would be standing in attendance at the battlefield, anyway. Most arrive with cameras in hand and a hat on top to protect themselves from the burning summer sun imagining how the actors feel wearing their tight, cotton uniforms in the blazing heat. The crowd stands in awe as the actors raise their weapons and fire one round and then another within a matter of 5 minutes. The actors push forward as some of their comrades fall from being struck by the never-ending gunfire. The fighting concludes with a silent and respectful meeting of the two army generals to symbol the ending of a gruesome battle. The Battle of Gettysburg has ended. As a Pennsylvania native me, I have visited Gettysburg and I’m always in awe by the beauty of the landscape, but I’ve lacked the opportunity to watch the reenactment for myself. But, it is the effect of such an event that makes spectators and locals want to come back and see history come alive again and again.

            Since the Battle of Gettysburg and the reenactments leave Americans in a state of shock and surprise because of how brutal and significant they were to the building of our country, we begin to wonder what the events really meant and how significant they truly were. The Battle of Gettysburg lasted three grueling days from July 1^st-July 3^rd, 1863. The North was a breath away from losing the Civil War and this one stronghold stood in the way of the North being slaughtered by the Confederate Army. Previously before the war-turning battle, the Confederate Army had conquered at the Battles of Bull Run and the Battle of Chancellorsville. The two battles were huge victories and were perfect for leading the Confederate States of America to victory in the Civil War. But, what does the Battle of Gettysburg mean for the Union Army? In, short terms it meant they had to win at all haste despite the 7,000 casualties suffered throughout the battle. It meant that Ulysses S. Grant did not just have to make decisions, but otherwise make smart ones and critical ones. With the help of the landscape around the town of Gettysburg, the Union Army was able to surprise the Confederate army with numerous attacks and use the large hills such as Cemetery Ridge to their military advantage. The battle was a huge victory for the Union Army and it turned the course of the war along with the Battle of Vicksburg not long after. But, what did the Battle of Gettysburg mean to America? What does it mean to Pennsylvania locals today?

            Well, the Battle of Gettysburg turned the Civil War in favor of the Union Army with the help of the landscape and the tactics used by Ulysses S. Grant and other Union officers. It is because of the Battle of Gettysburg the country witnessed the horror of warfare firsthand and it grew by learning new ways to provide hospitality to the wounded soldiers and to rebuild the country from the ground up. The ways in which citizens could witness the horrors were through the use of photographs and if they were in a town that was geographically close to where a battle had occurred. Unfortunately, for the citizens of Gettysburg they were in the midst of war crossfire between two massive armies. The Battle of Gettysburg left a huge impression on Abraham Lincoln that he delivered the famous speech the Gettysburg Address on the battlefield to commemorate those gave their lives for this great cause. It is also Abraham Lincoln who decided to turn the Gettysburg Battlefield into a national park and cemetery so that others could experience the impact for themselves. But, how does the Battle affect Pennsylvania locals today?

            The battle affects Pennsylvania locals by providing them with a deep respect for Civil War history because shops that sell memorabilia and souvenirs are scattered throughout Central Pennsylvania. The reenactment of the historic battle gives tourists and locals a chance to escape the history books and witness the historic event before their eyes. It provides us as Americans the knowledge to understand how the military was conducted during the 19^th century and gives us a little taste of the experiences locals had as they witnessed the battle unfold in their own backyard. I have visited the battlefield multiple times throughout my life and it never ceases to amaze me how organized and slick the Union Army was in its fight to conquer the Confederate Army and search for victory in the Civil War. I adore history and the spirit and interest showed by the tourists and local community gives you a sense of patriotism and unity. It is amazing how one battle can unite a state and most importantly an entire country simply because it helped end slavery and end the oppression of African Americans throughout the United States of America.

            The Battle of Gettysburg was a supreme triumph for the Union Army in 1863. Over 150 years after the battle commenced, it stills ceases to capture the attention of the country and charm students in their history classes. The research I have conducted for this project is important because when students are learning about the birth and growth of the United States, the Battle of Gettysburg is a critical turning point. It prevented the United States from becoming two separate countries and prevented the threat of slavery from becoming an everlasting issue. It is also important to learn about this battle because it can help students understand the philosophies of citizens during the 19^th century and can help answer questions as to why the Confederate Army did not conquer and why Ulysses S. Grant chose the tactics he did? It provides students also with a taste of military history and how the armed forces were handled during the late 19^th century. The reenactments of the battle provide an in depth view of the military strategies used at the time and allows citizens to have a better understanding of the conditions soldiers faced in the midst of battle. To help students and Americans better understand the Battle of Gettysburg, it would be easier to introduce them to artifacts from the time period and parchments written from witnesses of the battle. This can give a well-rounded approach when learning about this historic battle. In the end, the history of the Battle of Gettysburg  and the reenactments leave spectators awe-struck and students begging for more, but only those who lived through it know the whole story.

Abnormal Normal

Hooker. Racist. Terrorist. Teen mom. Drop-out. Poverty. Good Samaritan Look at these stereotypes. No, really look. No one can say that this doesn't define what normal is in our 2017 society.

Now how and why do we see our society like this? Does this mean that you or I abide by one or more of these stereotypes? And if we do, does that mean we are failures at life or geniuses? But, I guess we should start with how and why society is viewed this way.

How is society viewed this way? It's because of the media, mostly. Why? Because the media is manipulative, deceitful, and attention-seeking. It manipulates the minds of society to believe every, yes EVERY single word that is either typed, printed, or said. Now, how is that not deceitful? Oh, it is very deceitful!!!! It's beyond deceitful; it's despicable and pathetic. And we all know that pathetic is attention-seeking, especially if it's over something that is not the end of the world or if it's not as dramatic as the pages depict.

Or is society viewed this way because of what we say? What!?! Yes, that is called rumors. That is called lies. That is called hearsay. That is called prejudice. You're probably thinking "Hell no I'm not prejudice. I don't judge anyone." Yeah. yeah. yeah. We are all prejudice and we judge everyone we come into contact with studying them and figuring out what their deal is. I know I have been judged and truthfully, most of the judgment I've received was critical judgment that allows me to grow in a positive direction. I'm not saying me being bullied was critical judgement; that was more or less a chance for others to discourage me. But, let me tell you it didn't work!!!! HA HA HA!!!

But anyways, stereotypes are so ridiculous that it makes me sick when I hear them or when someone compares me to them. Am I a Racist because I don't know about the group Black Lives Matter? No it's because I have no clue what it's about and I'm staying neutral on the matter. Am I a teen mom because I had my daughter at 22 while I was still in college? Umm as a matter of fact I had her, graduated from Penn State University less than 3 months later, and now I am working 2 jobs to take care of her. Am I a drop-out? No. Am I a hooker? No. Am I a Good Samaritan? Yes, I believe I am because I love to volunteer and help others and fight for what is right even though sometimes the right path is not the easiest one.

Does this mean I'm a failure at life or a genius? Well, thus far in life I've made many mistakes and I've experienced humility and personal disgrace along with successes and triumphs. During those mistakes, I failed at life, but if it wasn't for those mistakes I wouldn't be learning to make things right. Realizing that, makes me a genius, but a learning genius at that. You learn something new everyday. So never and I mean never think you know absolutely everything. No one does.

So short, sweet and to the point, I think I've made my argument about the abnormal, normal society we live in and how we, yes WE define it and how it got to be defined this way!

Night Prowlers

So I sorta feel like a freak. Why? Because I love to take nightly drives. Technically I should be asleep, but what happens when you don't sleep and your mind starts wandering wondering what to do, how to do it, and what you should do to make you tired. Ever felt like this? I know I have.

The simple thing I do is take a small drive or maybe a long drive because it allows me to be free. Allows me to think and not worry too much about every other psycho thing in life. So to express how I feel about taking nightly drives I decided to write a poem----this relates to one of the nightly drives I took when I was in college and it brings me back to peace and tranquility. What brings your mind to ease?

The Night Prowler (1-30-2017)

Basking in the darkness

Yes, basking in darkness

Surrounded in the darkness

Trembling in the shadows.

Alive, yes, I’m alive

Crowded in the notes

An amateur vocalist triumphs

In her shadowy hoax.

Who dares threaten me

To destroy my power

In this confined space

This the darkest hour.

The shadows they cower

My voice raises higher

This is my moment

Of sheer human power.

Surrounded in the black

Wrapped in the shadows

I howl to them

Eyes of the meadows.

No fear compels me

The melody consumes me

The stars shine almighty

No fear consumes me.

Basking in the glory

I’ve won the battle

No blood, no gore

Just teeth and chatter.

Pray on the night

I must, must survive

Face, yes, face me

The prowler comes alive.

Sacrifice Defined

Sacrifice can be defined by any number of things. What you do? How you do it? These two things define sacrifice to me. With these two characteristics you define what sacrifice means to you and shows the world who you are.

Sacrifice is defined as "the surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim." (Dictionary.com) Sound frightening, doesn't it? To give up something for something more important. What a thought!

Now that was just a dictionary/ direct definition of sacrifice. But let me tell you what sacrifice means to me and how I define it.

Sacrifice means showing the people you love how much you love them by giving up what is material and sometimes what is important for you. Since I started dating Alex Hagadorn in 2011 and since I became a mother last year I understand sacrifice beyond comprehension. I didn't worry too much about material things or expensive belongings because I wanted to make sure everyone I loved was taken care of. I'd stay up late doing schoolwork and working long hours so that me and my loved ones could spend time together and that our daughter had every joy and comfort that a little girl needs and deserves growing up. Bills were a given and food was a given but in my mind those were things that needed to be taken care of.

The first thing that comes to my mind is my family. Nothing else. As long as they have what they need to live, to survive, to enjoy life then I was contented. I've worked so many long hours and experienced so many sleepless nights so that I could provide for my family I didn't even bother keeping count----too many that's what!!!!! I've even sold my own belongings so that my family could thrive and have food on the table. Every penny is counted for and used and if some money if left over after all that (which is a luxury within itself) then I use the money for something productive that I know I can use in the future.

Speaking of the future, time itself can be a useful outlet for sacrifices. Take me for example, I use my time to be productive whether it's writing an article or blog like I am now, taking a stroll around the block to stay in shape, or planning my day-to-day schedule so I stay in control. Time is a precious thing and you never know how much you will have left on this earth. If I have the opportunity to relax or take a nap (which is very rare for me) it doesn't come without a tidal wave of guilt following because I could of used my time to a more constructive task such as me gathering research for my upcoming books. So----I will sacrifice that time I could use resting and put more focus towards a constructive outlet instead.

Now----How do I do it? Well, it's quite simple really. I just do it. Balance the odds I call it. Would you rather have your child starving and not have anywhere to live or would you rather have her healthy and thriving like you were as a baby? To me that's an easy choice. My daughter, Alex, and our families will always come first to me----regardless of anything else. Sounds pretty straight forward, doesn't it? Well, when you re a parent IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE. It's not called sacrifice unless you give up something that was once important to you or even not as important to you ( luxuries) and giving it up for something grander and even more valuable than your wants.

I think I've nailed down sacrifice, don't you? Now if you have no idea what sacrifice means or what it entails to make sacrifices then by golly you have not lived or struggled. Sacrifices are not supposed to be easy and they are not supposed to be fun-----HELLO! THAT'S WHY THEY ARE CALLED SACRIFICES!!!!!!!! NOT LUXURIES.  Now if your sacrifices benefit you in the long run then they can turn around and morph into luxuries but until then you have to make them every step of the way.

Another way on how to do it is by swallowing your pride, keeping your head high, and striding with your dignity intact by working as hard as you can. Believe me sometimes I feel like giving up and throwing everything away because I feel like my hard work will not amount to anything, but every time I think of Elayne, her daddy, and our families I push harder and my drive is even stronger. It's easier said than done I know but you have to have that drive to keep you going; to keep you motivated. That hard work will get you to a better place believe me----I wouldn't be where I am today if I didn't work my ass off.

I keep my dignity intact by keeping a positive attitude and treating everyone with respect. I never let anyone take pity on me because I don't need pity----pity parties are for those who don't give a damn and want the world to show them mercy and love. I completely understand that some people get into a rut and it's very, very difficult to get out. I have been there--- BELIEVE ME!!!! And if someone does give you pity then let that motivate you to get better and get to a better place. Like I said I swallow my pride and let my hard work speak for itself-----and believe me my hard work, my passion, my drive will speak for itself. If that doesn't surmount to anything then you are not the motivation I need.

Boom Sacrifice has been defined!!!! For me at least, how about you?

The White House Files

So does anyone ever wonder what Area 51 is? What's possibly hidden in there? Do most Americans know how the protocol for the 'line of succession' works if the President died? Did you know that the Executive Branch does not live in the same White House that was built over 300 years ago? Do you know that some of our Presidents were part of a secret society known as the 'Free Masons'?

So many questions......yet very few answers.

I've made it my mission to explore these questions and our presidential history and pull up the secrets that linger beneath the soil, the gravel, the concrete walls of our beloved Washington estate. I've created my own theories after extensive research and hours plucking through books and magazines. Sometimes I think my head might explode due to the amount of information I pull up and the possibilities that are unearthed.

Now do not think I am jumping into a psycho crazy illusion believing everything I read. I only get my information from esteemed sources and I use my own educational knowledge to piece together the truth. I do not plan to exaggerate my claims and I do not plan to seek praise for what I believe and hypothesize. And also do not believe that I am starting my journey from now to then. To understand the past and how it stills lingers in the present, we need to start there.


I plan to start my journey in the so called 'Revolutionary Period' of the 1700s because that is where the presidency started. 1789 to be exact with our first President, George Washington, and then work my way down to our President-elect Donald Trump. And no I won't be discussing political squabbles unless they serve a particular relevance to how America is where she is today. And I plan to make this expose bi-partisan in my intentions and arguments because it's better to see both sides than one side of history.

This expose may take weeks, months, or maybe even years for my to write and type up.......So why am I talking it now? So you my followers may anticipate and revel in excitement as to when it will be published or hopefully, released to more readership.

Let's see America's patriotic secrets and dig up our Four Fathers again!!

Blonde Petticoat Empowerment

To all you women out there....do you ever feel as if men don't understand what you face on a daily basis? Do you ever feel men need to be in your shoes and see the adversity, the criticism, the vulgar remarks you experience on a daily basis? Oh believe me I understand and I'm simply a woman who has been through just that. Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I don't have a voice!

On a daily basis when I walk out in public or when I simply go to my second job I am stared at like I'm a helpless puppy who has no way to defend herself, someone who has no powerful voice, a woman with the body to bewilder any man who looks at her. Dudes back off!!! I am happily taken and I have a distinct future that can outlast yours....all you need do is watch me prove you wrong.

                                      I defend who I am as a woman and as a hard ass worker.
I don't put on clothes to attract others; I wear clothes because I am conserving the dignity and the decency I have inside me. I am not one to flaunt the body I have because the only one who will see it is the man I see as the one for me. I see it as a disgrace for women to dress inappropriately and beg for a man to take their virtue away from them. I mean heaven forbid....your virtue is sacred!!!! Though I do not have my virtue anymore, I have given it to a man I love and it is his forever; my actions show the world that I am a faithful, respectful woman who loves once and done. Sacred!

I do not work 2 jobs and participate in the community being charitable and inspiring others just because I'm bored with my life and that I don't give two blah blahs about what happens to me. I don't write my articles and blogs because my words are fruitless and that they don't have any power to influence. I work 2 jobs because I have a family to support. I am involved in the community because I give a damn about those who need help and I want my legacy to show that I gave what I could to make a difference in the world and inspire others to do the same. I write my poems, my thoughts, my dreams out on parchment, through these blogs so that the world can see the world through my eyes. I want them to feel what I have seen through each vein and nerve in their bodies.
                                    Did you feel that burn of guilt?
                                                   If you did, you know me,what I've seen, and you feel you can do more. If you didn't, then you need to open your eyes because you have no idea what the world can be like; the horrors it holds.

I may be blonde but I am sure's hell not dumb. If you look at my words throughout my blogs and if you listen to the language I use day-to-day you obviously can tell I'm well-educated. As I tell my fellow friends and co-workers I know more about the British monarchy and American history than I know about our own present government (So much changing it's almost impossible to keep up anymore). Along with my language my knowledge is vast and stretches farther than most believe.....Take herbal/ old world medicine, take algebra, take kinesiology, take geology, take philosophy, take adolescent psychology.......this is just some of the multiple subjects I have studied throughout my life thus far along with history. Mind blown yet? So yes, if you think I am your average blonde, you're dead wrong.....I'm not average; I'm not even above average; I'm in a class of my own!

So if you read the title of this post......it says Blonde Petticoat Empowerment.......well, as I said I am blonde, I am what most would consider a petticoat who needs a man to lead her and who can't defend herself, and I am empowered hence the post and somewhat of a rant of being strong woman who works hard to provide for the ones she loves and to secure the future she knows she deserves.

                                         Who is this Blonde Petticoat Empowerer? ME!!!! That's who!

Salvation for the Homeless

I'm looking outside right now and the dreary, cold, raw air is not the only thing that chills my bones. It is not the fact that the sun barely shines it's heat this time of year, but merely the fact that millions of people live in poverty; sometimes so much so that clothes don't even cover their backs and that food does not reside in their stomachs. It is merely the thought of imagining a child and, even an adult struggling to bring comfort and joy into their homes and their life. The thought of asking for more and more troubles me, most of the time, because I have all I need and I want to give to those who don't. I grew up fortunate basking in the great luxuries that only a humble girl can understand.

I had a family, I built a family. I have food, now I give food. I was given money, now I save money.

Homelessness is not a fate I would wish on anybody, not even my worst enemy. It is a fate that is cruel, despicable, and revolting to my mind. I have seen homelessness at its worst and whenever I see a beggar on the streets I feel compelled to give even just a penny, a bottle of water, or to drive this individual to a restaurant so they can have a decent meal. My 11th grade history teacher taught me that. Always give what you can, do what you can to bring light to another.

Now, that sounds like I am preaching to the choir because most people say they are going to reach out when in reality they don't. In reality I counteract this because I have. I have been giving my old clothes to the Salvation Army for years and I donate my old toys and winter clothing to children. When I was in Newark, New Jersey in 2015 (one of the most dangerous and impoverished cities in the United States at the time) I saw homelessness as I never had before. On the trip we were split into two groups and my group interacted one-on-one with children. Unfortunately, some of the children we interacted with came from broken homes and some were actually homeless. My heart broke for them so I made sure that each child I interacted with was hugged, loved, and smiled.

During the same trip, we were allowed to visit New York City for one day and that changed my perspective of the homeless for eternity. As soon as my group got off the subway at the New York Station and we passed through the gates at the terminal, I saw it. I looked over to my right and there was an African American woman sleeping in what seemed like a multitude of ripped blankets surrounded by what looked like a cardboard fence. She had one backpack and her clothes were hung by a self-made laundry line. I was appalled that anybody could walk by and not help her. The scary thing was she looked my age, maybe even younger. I said to my group "I've never seen something like this before.....I've seen such things in movies but I never thought I would see the horror". I never thought I would see someone sleeping in a subway terminal and, worse, seeing numerous and, I mean numerous people walk by and not feel compelled to help or even showed a speck of compassion.

After we left the terminal we started to walk out on the streets of New York City. The surrounding atmosphere did little to excite me because that woman we passed was branded in my mind. Throughout our walk I saw beggars. I saw self-made tents of tarp and trash bags. I saw big flashy stores and expensive boutiques that my group wanted to explore and get the opportunity to rave on the latest fashions, but I wanted to spend the time helping those individuals I saw. I felt the need to find the nearest laptop and research the homelessness rates and the percentages of poverty within these cities I was visiting. I felt compelled to give all the change in my pocket to the nearest pair of stricken, starving eyes and buy him/ or her a soda or a cookie. Items that are common to us and luxuries to them. It affected me so much that it was impossible to sleep that night, though when I woke up the next day I made it seem like I was well-rested.

How can you sleep knowing that out there another human being is shivering in the cold? How can you sleep knowing that a child is digging in a dumpster somewhere looking for his/ or her dinner? How can you sleep knowing individuals are at risk for freezing to death every winter because they don't have the proper clothes or insulation to keep their bodies warm?

How can you sleep?

After that trip I made it one of my goals, one of my life passions to do all I could to help the needy and the homeless. I felt so guilty of asking for things when really I had ever thing I needed. I do splurge sometimes on myself getting a new shirt or a new piece of furniture, but it sure's heck doesn't come without a wave of guilt because like I said that women in the terminal is still branded in my mind. I don't know if she is dead or alive and I hope that she will be led to a better life and if I see her again before I die, I hope myself can bring her to a better sight than a terminal view.