Diary Entry of a Working Mother

"Another day another dollar. Another day another poopy diaper. Another day I scream and mutter. Another day I beg for help....for this working mother. I clean and wash. I type and write. I sleep 4 hours. I think and fight. I work steady shifts. I'm paid by the hour. I've got no quarrel. I just need a shower. I live by my planner. I live for my child. I've buried my priorities. They've been there awhile. I pray for blessings. I give all I have. I save every penny made. To her on my behalf. Her presence is my joy. His presence is my soul. The future is my promise. To make it true and make it bold. So from these words you see I'm a working mother indeed. I know sacrifice. I know faith. I know love. I know fate. But here you will know what I have become through the blood, sweat, and tears that I've run."- Heather Searfoss, 12/29/2016


A working mother is someone who I idolized all my life. The person who I knew I wanted to grow up to become. As a child I witnessed what hard work was and how it would be a part of my future.

I don't remember asking my parents why they worked so late and I don't remember asking them why they looked so tired. I think I always knew. I do remember asking them though why do you do the jobs you do? Why are you a police officer? I'd ask my dad or why are you a nurse? I'd ask my mom and the simple answer I got was  "because I want to help people, it's a job that I love, and it's provides for you and Kyle." Well, that settled anymore questions about their jobs really. It also got me thinking about what I wanted to become growing up. I envisioned a nurse like my mom or a storm chaser like on the weather channel......two professions I obviously didn't become.

When I got to high school I began to think of becoming a doctor, like the one who performed my spinal fusion in 2008, or to become a chef because I loved to cook, or to become a lawyer, a job that is scholarly, well-paid, and a safer complimentary alternative to my dad's law enforcement career. All seemed to be good options but then I was thrown the curveball that maybe I shouldn't attend college......maybe it was just a waste of time or maybe it may not get me to where I want to be. Well, my dreams and goals talked louder than that option so I blew it off and submitted my application to Penn State University, where I attended for 4.5 years and graduated with a Bachelor's Degree in Humanities majoring in Communications/PR. It was the most grueling, longest, toughest, most amazing, most valued, most memorable, most tearful, most aggravating 4.5 years of my life. Now that doesn't seem like fun but let me explain to you the facts of why it was like this. I took full class loads every semester even during one summer semester (which is 4+ classes, 12 credits+), I worked between 1-3 jobs throughout school saving up as much as I could and experiencing the joys of being young, I made and met so many amazing friends and people I can't count them all, and I was introduced to some of the most incredible, scholarly, innovative, and experienced professors I have ever met. 3 of my favorites in particular were Catherine McCormick (Photography, Writing for the Media, Media Management), Amy Sauertieg (Public Relations, Event Planning, and PR Strategies), and Richard Pierce (Psychology 101, Adolescent Psychology). I was also involved with fundraising events on campus such as Santa for Soldiers, Toys for Tots, and Alternative Spring Break, which were life-changing experiences because you truly realize how lucky you are. I also worked behind the scenes to apply for internships/ externships, write new poems/ short stories, publish my poetry and written works with local publishers, and start to plan out the publishing of my work in progress: In the Gladiator's Eye. Sound intimidating enough?

Well, this is all before and during my adventure of becoming a mother. It sounds so ridiculous but I did all of that with fate, criticism, and doubt going against me. I cracked under pressure a few times but let me tell you all the hellfire I faced was well worth it. I balanced jobs back and forth. I applied anywhere and everywhere I could. I admit I made quite a few mistakes, some I do regret but then again how did I end up where I am now? Through the turmoil I came out on top stronger than I was before, more confident, brighter, and curveball ready. Now you are probably asking yourself where does being a mother fit into this? Well, read what I wrote and imagine being pregnant with a baby, delivering that miracle, and having to face all of that tumultuous stuff. Does that answer your question? Simply it wasn't easy. At points it was fun and other points were like wishing you were 6 feet under ground at that exact moment. But, I promise you I am alive and well. But now I guess you are wondering where am I now?

Well, I am a recent graduate of Penn State University. May 8th, 2016 to be exact. (My daughter was born February 2016.) I am an employee of a government IT distributor and I am a social media wizard. I have my own blog : http://soccerxlspsu.blogspot.com/ and I have a professional Facebook page where I list and post my latest writings, articles, and poems. I am on the volunteer committee for the non-profit organization, The Peyton Walker Foundation, which brings awareness to sudden cardiac arrest and plans out the organizations fundraisers, heart screenings, and events for the upcoming year. I am about to be published in my 4th Best Poets of the Year (2011, 2012, 2013, and 2016) by Eber & Wein Publishing and I am currently working on 3 books that are works in progress that I plan to have published soon. I am a mother of a beautiful 10 month old baby girl and in my spare, rare time I run, I take photos, I read history books, I watch documentaries, and I listen to rock music. So you can definitely not say that I am lagging behind or that fate is not in my favor. I will counteract that and make everyone take a second look. If this hasn't done so, I'm sorry but you'd have to meet me in person to truly understand.

But like I said being a working mom has its ups and it's downs and sometimes it can make you go psychotic. But regardless of your mental stature I highly recommend that you do not and I repeat do not judge a mother that you see on the street regardless of what her age might be because you will and may never know or understand what she had to do to get to where she is today. Granted I didn't put details into this entry and no I didn't break the law. But I will tell you that I did sell some of my things and worked double, sometimes triple shifts, so that I could give my baby girl clothes and food. Though I was not a working mother who had to beg for money or beg for food or even go to the local well and bring a bucket of water back, I do however, understand the sacrifices needed for a mother to provide for a child and bring him/ or her a healthy life. A reality some can't comprehend but I'll leave that up to you to judge. In simple terms being a working mother is hard, it's exhausting, and it is one of life's greatest joys. It makes life worth living and it makes the memories all the more sweeter. So cheers to being a working mom!!!!!

Holy Lights, Camera, Action!!!!!

 Okay so this post is gonna be short sweet and to the point because I'm hot. I am red-fire, steaming hot and all I really need to say is : Holy Lights!!!! Holy Camera!!! Holy Action!!!!

Yes I just said that! This is what Christmas is like now compared to a quaint night at home baking cookies and spending time with the family. I don't even know what to think about society anymore considering we are supposed to be above average than previous generations and we can't figure out what's important in out lives anymore! Yikes!!!
Now let me get something straight, I spend every Christmas with my family and we unwrap presents and we spend as much time together as possible during the holiday season while dodging work, school, and other day-to-day worries. But for society it seems like money talks and that watching commercials and getting the latest deals at the store is where the love is at. What? No. No No No. Who really cares if you get presents? Who cares if you get a turkey? And who cares if you don't buy anything for someone else? Christmas should never, ever, ever be about getting presents or bulking up on gifts. When I was a child, I didn't understand that really. All I knew was that Santa was on his sleigh and was going to drop tons of presents on me for that Christmas, but now that I'm older and have a daughter I've changed. I am more compassionate about being with my family and giving my daughter the best and meaningful Christmas every year. That's where the love is. That is where the magic is. And that is what I plan to celebrate every year. If your Christmas is looking more like Holy Lights!!!! Holy Camera!!!! Holy Action!!!! Then I think it's time you should consider what is important in your life. Presents? or Family?

Family Importance

I have learned that when you become a parent your child becomes your world. It is horrible to think that any parent could overlook how precious his/ or her child is just to pretend that they don't exist. Since my daughter was born February 23rd, 2016 her and her daddy have been the joys of my life and each day I thank God for bringing them to me and making each day a blessing. I can't put into too many words how much I love them but I can use few words to make a simple impact.

My daughter, Elayne Rose Hagadorn, is an incredible blessing. She came out of nowhere and now I can't imagine my life without her. Her daddy feels the same way. He adores our daughter and he works hard every single day to spoil his little princess. Her family adores her and wants to hold her every time they see her. It's some times hard to see her held by another because you want to yourself. It's a jealousy streak we parents have because our child is so precious.

The way she coos is calming and the way she smiles is daunting. The way she says 'da da' is funny and the way she says 'ma ma' is cozy. I know I sound like a mom who is head over heals in love with her baby girl but believe me once you see her you will too! Now as I said I can't constantly repeat the same phrases over and over again because it doesn't get straight to the point and it only gives an overview of how much I love my daughter, her daddy, and his family.


Lover's Grace (11-22-2016)

My heart blossoms openly
as our eyes meet
I cannot bear distance
from our lover's feat.

Fear grips my soul
of losing it all
not just the memories
but future's warm call.

My love remains true
my passion is steadfast
Faithful in our love
hoping it to last.

We've experienced the bad
grown in the good.
Raptured in each moment
as true couples should.

With our little bear
I made a promise
that I shall keep
no exceptions to this.

"One father she'll have
a warm, faithful mother
For all infinite time
not one, no other."

The strength within me
holds long and true
this love is timeless
and so are you.

Your family guides me
valued advice educates me
I've swallowed all pride
grateful for helping me.

I hope we grow
basking in our smiles
Living for our baby
through all the trials.

Like my promise before
the stars you are
has captured my star
and stolen my heart.

Forever and ever more my little family with be the star-crossed loves of my life and they are worth every sacrifice and every trial I have to experience to make sure they are given the best future. It is not easy being a parent and having a family because it is the key time in life where you need and have to put your family before yourself to get further and makes dreams bigger. I know I sound like a preacher that's giving advice to the choir but once you have a family of your own you will understand sacrifice and understand responsibility. When I first found out I was having a baby girl I cried and I felt I wasn't ready but now that she is here and gloating in her good health and I now want her to thrive and have an incredible life. With her and her daddy there I feel I can do anything because they keep driven to fight more, to push more, and to dream more. Once you have a family your set. Remember family is forever.

A Sin Amongst Humanity

Through the darkness tears fall of the little angels whose hearts have been broken. Not by the typical tragedy stories but their own peers and loved ones. What is the sin, you ask? Well my friends and colleagues that sin is bullying. Bullying is a crime that strips the innocent of confidence and self-worth and replaces it with destruction, confusion, rage, rebuttal, and sadness. A trait that some bullies thrive on and never notice until karma whips them back. I've known bullying all my life. I've experienced it first-hand and was given an insight as to how cruel the world can be to those who cannot fight back. Til 2011 I've been afraid. From then I grew up. I've changed.  Now it's over.

Throughout my childhood I lived a typical normal life. I had parents and a little brother whom I loved with all my heart. I was active in extracurricular activities and I excelled in my academics. Though from the surface all seemed to be fine and it seemed as if I was destined for a bright future regardless of where it led me. But to some it would of been a tragedy if I succeeded in my goals. I treated everyone with respect and I played like every child would but then it came. The names. The names. The torture of being called names.

I was a horse to some people
and a jackass to others.
I was a girl who had no friends
in a world full of troubles.

I tried to change my look
and even what I wore.
To stand in the crowd.
Just for someone to adore.

When I suffered they cheered.
When I cried they cheered.
I'd look away for one moment
and they'd sneer, sneer, and sneer.

I hid away broken
eating all I could
To break their cruelty
plan the death I should.

I hated the world
I had no will living
These jerks so cruel
Are they happy with sinning?

Sometimes I can't forgive
The remarks are stained
In my brain and my mind
To them I'm just the same.

As I grew I matured
Into a woman smart and bold
those who doubted me
Some lies you told.

Looking back I smile
I crack one each time
for I have a good heart
I'm stronger and refined.

Here I present my struggles during my years of bullying and how I grew over the years. I matured into a woman who is now thriving in her youth, her family, and her career path. I'm the living proof that even though you are bullied and doubted by some you can still become successful and live a tremendous life. Forget what others say. Stand for what you believe in and together we can subdue this sin amongst humanity.

Save the Animals for Our Children

Animals are people so I've been told so why do some humans not understand this logic. It's as if the human race doesn't understand that animals have feelings and that they are living beings who should be treated with respect. It is a horrific reality to see majestic animals that I have grown up with such as elephants, rhinos, and even snow leopards disappear before my very eyes. I say that we as a society should take a stand and end animal cruelty and poaching before it decimates our children's chance to bask in their majestic existence and the simple goodness that animals bring to the earth.

According to DoSomething.Org, "At the beginning of the 20th century there were a few million African elephants and approximately 100,000 Asian elephants. Today elephants are now considered endangered, there are about 450,000-700,000 African elephants and 35,000-40,000 Asian elephants." (DoSomething 11 Facts) From this statistic alone, we can see how poaching and hunting animals has gotten out of control. When I was growing up, I idolized animals and felt they were very kind and a very devoted species to their families. I saw pictures of the mothers with their babies and I always hoped one day I would be able to see them up close and capture the reality of their size. My parents told me I saw them as a kid when I was very young but I don't remember anything of elephants or animals really until I went to Disney World in the year 2000. I went down to Disney World in the year 2000 and that's when I actually remember getting to see these majestic beauties up close. On the ride Kilimanjaro Safaris, the tour guide let the guests know that elephants are very endangered along with the black rhinos, lions, and hippos.  As a kid, I didn't really know much about poaching or saving animals but when I got older my whole outlook changed.

Animals are living beings that give the younger generation something to learn about and something to spark their creativity. It gives the adults a chance to revisit their childhood and spark memories for their children. Since animals have feelings and have families of their own, how are they not people?
Yes, I do understand that they have fur on most of their bodies and that they don't talk in a language that we humans can understand but that is no excuse to poach them and treat them as if they don't suffer. I mean if anyone hurt my child who is so precious to me I would defend her and make sure who ever tried to inflict pain on her would get punishment and sent to jail. I would make sure she knows what love is and that she will always be loved no matter what she chooses in her life. Animals should be the same way. They know pain and they know what it is like to fight to survive in the wild.

In conclusion, if society doesn't stop poaching or destroying an animal's habitat then children and citizens in the future may never be able to hear a lion's roar or see an elephant in it's wild habitat. It's a tragic shame that I must post such a direct message of animal cruelty to you all but we must save the animals for our children. Save the opportunity for them to experience the magic of wildlife and to love animals in the process. So I will say clearly and passionately, Animals are people too! Stop Poaching!!!!!

https://www.dosomething.org/us/facts/11-facts-about-poaching-animals